A while ago, I was helping one of my readers via email to beat the terrifying social anxiety he suffered from. His goal was to socialize more, network during the events he attends, expand his social circle and kill the limiting beliefs. To put it simply, he just wanted to talk more with other people. It’s frightening how much pain you can cause to yourself only because you adapt a self-destructive mindset. To make it easier to refer to him, let’s call him Steve.
Steve wanted to learn how not to care what people think about him and his actions. He felt being judged whenever he’d stand out a bit. He’d think that the entire world would freeze for a moment to watch how pathetic he is. And this is the route of the problem. It’s assuming that what you do is not valuable to others. Steve’s mindset would make him think that he’s interrupting and being awkward. And once he’d gather enough courage to speak and interact with others, he’d be leading a battle in his head that would make him come across as awkward and socially uncalibrated.
How To Not Give a Fuck What People Think
At some level, everyone can relate to Steve’s problem. We’re judging our past actions and fear the future outcome, completely avoiding the present moment. This is an enlightening lesson I learned from The Power of Now — a book that completely changed the way I use my mind and react to it. In the past, I’d let any thought take over but now, I’m trying to be above the thought, like an observer.
In his book, Eckhart Tolle shows us the idea of detaching yourself from your mind. In today’s world, where we’re served with poisoning food, specious advertising that creates unreal expectations and lifestyle that limits our true potential, it’s easy to lose the battle in your head. The fight against you and the negative energy. What Eckhart Tolle teaches is that there’s no need to participate and there’s no battle.
When faced with a negative thought, most people would associate themselves with the thought and let it affect their mood and self-esteem. What you need to do in order to stop caring about everything that is not important is recognize the self-destructive thought that pops up in your head and let it go. And if the thought wants to stay a bit longer, let it be there but do not become one with it. You are not your thoughts. This is where the therapy begins. You need to change the way you use your mind. Your mind is not you. It might sound ridiculous at first, but it’s true.
Realize The Real Danger of Seeking Approval
Step two is realizing what happens when you care what people think. If you live as a slave of others’ opinions, you’re missing out on your life. Give it a moment of reflection. You won’t be here forever. And you’ve got two choices: adapt the self-destructive mindset which feeds your regrets or break free from the mental chains. If you won’t make the right decision, you’re missing out on the adventures, great emotions, life-changing opportunities and your dream lifestyle only because what others think remains your biggest concern. But if it really is, then you’ve not realized what you’re truly giving up in order to please random strangers who are very likely to suffer from the same disease.
When you learn how not to care about what others think, you’ll start feeling like your life is all unicorns and rainbows. You’ll be your own superhero. The chains that enslaved you will gradually break. You’ll be doing things that frightened you before. This will open a wide door of opportunity for you.
The Actionable Guide To Not Caring
Let me give you a few actionable tips that you can use to stop caring and become more socially shameless which will enable you to go after things you truly want in life.
- Read The Power of Now. It will dramatically improve the way you use your mind and see the world.
- List the things that you’d like to do but your fears of others’ opinions stop you from doing.
- Realize situations where you can’t live fully in the moment because you judge your past actions and project a negative outcome.
- Think about your limiting beliefs from a third person perspective. This will help you to detach yourself from your mind and become the conscious observer. If Steve goes down the street and feels anxious, instead of panicking and thinking “I’m anxious”, he’d become conscious of the moment and think that “Steve’s experiencing anxiety”.
- See this guy being socially shameless and not dying afterward!
- Realize that your time is limited. Seeing your life in weeks might be the kick you need.
- Start doing things that challenge your limits and question your past mindset. Each theory needs to be put into practice.
- No matter what happens, do not judge yourself.
- No matter what happens, do not stop or get discouraged. Improving self-control will help to keep going.
- Do not take yourself too seriously.
- Take everything as an experience and a lesson. There is no losing.